Chapter 1 - Bird in the Cage

“Mother, I need more soup!” Kesu demanded as he lapped up the last drop of soup from his bowl.

Kalyani felt desolate staring into the pot, there was barely five spoonsful left and she needed to save something for Kanchi, his sister.

She herself had nothing to eat so far but the kids needed to be fed first. It wasn’t going to be long before they too realised what hunger for days on end felt like, initially as the constant grumbling in the stomach, then the gut-wrenching cramps, and as days progressed the burning taste of the reflux from their empty bellies, and eventually the inability to eat even a morsel  that has been gathered after much difficulty, without feeling completely nauseous. Yes, the hunger oxymoron.

The famine had hit them hard this year, leaving her with the option to feed just the kids while she chewed upon the few dried coconut kernels saved up from the previous year.

Her husband Pachan was off in search of work in the next village and would probably be home only by nightfall. There was nothing left in the fields in their village of Madera anymore and the landlords had drained them off the last bit of grains that remained. They were living off from their dwindling share which they were just days away from exhausting while the granaries of the lords were stocked up for the next five years.

Pachan wouldn’t be happy that the boy had not been fed as much as he wanted. “The girl can learn to stay hungry,” he had said. “The boy needs to be strong to work in the fields soon (if there was respite from this drought ever).”

It wasn’t something shocking to Kalyani, how Pachan preferred his boy to the girl. She had grown up with four older brothers and had lived off whatever food that remained after the boys had taken their share, sometimes even feeding on their leftovers. When she was married off for two tolas, she was just fourteen, which was a bit later than most of the girls in the Madera village, her father had breathed a sigh of relief. She was a burden waiting to be passed over to another, and one that would reward him in the form of a few tolas at least, with which he and her brothers would be able to get themselves food supplies for a year. Her father cursed her on most days for unlike the other girls she had taken a few more years to mature and only a menstruating girl was allowed to marry. The couple were expected to consummate the marriage immediately and the girl was to give her husband a child in the ninth month from their nuptial. The day Kalyani menstruated for the first time, was more of an emotionally scarring affair than a painful one as her father went around Madera with the customary beating of the chanda to announce his daughter’s worthiness to bear children to prospective grooms. And like a prized goat she was sold off to the highest bidder for two tolas.

Kalyani’s mother did not weep as she gave her away, she was instead instructed to pray to Gandhari every day to bless her with sons. Kalyani wept deeply as she saw her father smile from ear to ear for the first time in his life as he looked at her one last time before claiming his dowry from Pachan. Having got his reward, he quickly turned away to celebrate with his sons. Her existence had been acknowledged, even if be for a brief moment. She remembered being gleeful too that day as she saw what seemed to her a feast - rice, poppadams, fried banana chips, sambhar, elisseri, buttermilk and payasam –for the first time ever in her life she would be allowed to eat off her own banana leaf, she wouldn’t need to eat the left overs, and she would finally eat to her heart’s content. She would weep later that night, as she realised the bitter truth of being a woman in Madera, that then and for as long as her life lasted, her husband would never seek her consent to pleasure himself and would continue to do so even if she bears him a hundred sons. She would remain his voiceless slave forever.

When Kalyani bore Pachan a son, he showered her with kisses and announced to the Madera folk thumping his chest the birth of a glorious son. The boy was named Kesavan, the amalgamation of the three Gods – Brahma, Shiva and Vishnu. Pachan’s face lit up every time he saw Kesu and he was cajoled and loved like no other boy in the village by his father. Kesu soon became a brat and would harm anyone and anything for his pleasure. He would spit into his mother’s bowl just as she sat down to eat her food but would not be rebuked, he would throw vessels into the well and yet go unpunished, he would drown the small kittens in the pond for fun and yet he was Pachan’s precious boy. “He’s just a kid, its harmless fun, my little prince can do whatever he pleases,” Pachan would always say. Kalyani would not dare punish the boy fearing Pachan’s fury, she had done it only once when the boy had tried to drown the neighbour’s kid in the pond for which she was whipped with a cane until she begged for mercy. She watched as her son watched in glee and realized she had birthed a monster. “You are just a woman, remember that, you are to cook, feed and bed, not punish men,” Pachan had growled.

An inconsolable Kalyani implored to the higher powers that night as she felt the straws of her mat pierce into the deep gnashes the cane had left on her body that she not bear any more sons like the evil Kesu. Perhaps the Gods must have sympathized or perhaps they must have decided to test her more for they gifted her with a baby girl KanchiLakshmi a year later. Her little doe eyed girl came into the world giving her not much trouble, she barely even felt the pain of child birth with her. Yet, Kalyani cried endlessly as she saw her daughter, what hope did a girl child have in this horrid man’s world. Pachan, upon learning that he had fathered a girl, grumbled and cursed, just like her father had done all his life, and took off to the fields without even glancing once at his just born daughter.

Kalyani wished she had been as stone hearted as her mother, and not cared for her daughter but she saw herself involuntarily drawn to Kanchi. She felt a sense of purpose and happiness every time she looked at that smiling face. Meanwhile, Kesu took great sadistic pleasure in making his little baby sister cry. He would not let his mother breast feed the child, and laugh as the baby cried in hunger, he would poke her with sharp twigs, drag her by her little feet and would only stop when Kalyani would threaten him with Sambhu Ashan’s name. 

Sambhu Asan was the village elder in charge of teaching the boys of Madera about the religious texts and training them in various vocations according to their community. The girls of Madera too had to attend the sacred text lessons in order to understand how to become a better wife and mother. Everyone feared Sambhu Asan, as he was part of the village committee, which imposed strict punishment for crimes committed by their people.

“​I will kill her Amma, you wait and see,” Kesu would say with an evil glee each time he retreated upon hearing Sambu Asan’s name. At home, Kalyani’s fears and complaints would fall on deaf ears as Pachan had no concern for the girl child, however wanting for some peace he would advise Kesu in the most practical manner, “Kesu, my precious, don’t harm your sister, she may be of no use to you now, but in a few years we can sell her off in marriage and I promise you, the five Tolas I intend to get for her would be completely given to you to spend as you please. Now can you get five tolas if she is dead or if you make her ugly by hurting her.”

While Kalyani flinched at the way her husband had just put a price on her daughter, she felt respite from the hope of warding off any serious threats to her child’s life. Kesu, the incorrigible child he was, would still steal a few moments of sadistic fun every now and then by poking her under her feet with the sharp twig he had modelled just for the exercise. Now who is going to notice the bottom of her feet when she’s getting married, he would tell himself and laugh.

Kalyani was determined her daughter should escape this unending cycle of feeding, breeding and slavery like the women of her clan. She just did not know how. The world she knew was limited to Madera and she imagined of a world where maybe the women stood a better chance, a world where landlords did not suffocate them with unfair shares over their harvest.

A few moons ago a travelling drama troupe had paid a visit to Madera. They had enacted the tale of a daring queen of the east and how through grit and courage she had led her kingdom into victory as she carried her baby on her back. The characters of the men enacted in the story were also chivalrous, loving and faithful. Surely it had to be just a story, she told herself. It did not come as much of a surprise when the drama troupe were asked to leave Madera immediately as the landlords and menfolk did not approve of the premise and were warned of serious consequences if they ever returned with stories that attacked the cultural integrity of the community.

Though the women folk of the landlord families never experienced the poverty and grueling life conditions of the village clan’s women, they were equally if not more voiceless in front of their landlord husbands. Behind the nice attires, the glittering jewellery were similar stories. Kalyani had briefly served as a help at the landlord Madhavan Nambi’s home to look after his new baby and wife. His wife Lakshmiamma was a generous woman of heart and treated the help with respect and love. Lakshmi had a soft spot for Kalyani, who was pregnant with Kanchi at the time and took special care of her food and sleep.

Lakshmiamma had three sons, the twins Sivan Nambi and Vishnu Nambi both as old as her Kesu and the youngest one Raman Nambi who was just a year older than her Kanchi. The twins were just like her Kesu, cruel and evil while the younger one was a baby at the time and whom she assumed would grow up to be nothing different. Kalyani tended to Lakshmiamma and the baby, all through the day and night, bathing mother and child, putting the baby to sleep while Lakshmiamma rested. A new mother was allowed to rest for three months and did not sleep with the husband or do any chores, or speak with anyone. The husband was only allowed to make brief visits to see the child. While it would have seemed like a punishment to be away from the sight and sound of all, it really was a blessing for Lakshmiamma. Whenever she had the chance, she and Kalyani would engage in long conversations under muffled whispers. Kalyani soon learnt about the ways of the landlords and their women, about a world outside their village that Lakshmiammma had learnt from books. One such night, Lakshmiamma had fallen thirsty and Kalyani had gone to get some water. On her way back she was briefly distracted by the sound from the landlord’s room. She knew better than to eavesdrop and tried to get past the room quickly but the door was slightly ajar and she couldn’t help notice the landlord naked in bed with two servants. She quickly covered her mouth with her palms to stifle the cry that involuntarily rose from her gut. She picked up her pace towards Lakshmiamma’s room and decided not to utter a word. More than the far-reaching consequences of punishment to herself, she felt her lady lord deserved peace now. Lakshmiamma, however a keen observer, was quick to notice 

Kalyani’s discomfort and asked “My dear, are you alright?”

“Yes, my lady,” Kalyani whispered as she handed over the tumbler of water with quivering hands.

Lakshmiamma took a sip of water and smiled, “I think you saw something and I know what it is.”

Kalyani did not reply but kept staring down at her feet.

“Look at me Kalyani, did you happen to see the lord with someone?”

Kalyani did not respond.

“It’s alright, I know all about it. It’s been going on for as long as I know, and you know it’s not just women he likes. This is the wonderful life we lords live” said Lakshmiamma as she let out a sarcastic chuckle that was also filled with intense self-disgust.

Kalyani felt sad, she always hoped that if the Gods were kind to her she would be born in a Madera lord’s family her next life. But if that meant just replacing the poverty with money, she did not know if she wanted to be born as a woman at all.

Now as Kalyani pondered on how to satiate her son’s hunger, Kanchi came hopping in with a smile. She had just turned thirteen a few days back and she was turning into a beautiful girl. Her long black wavy tresses, big beautiful black eyes and soothing smile turned heads wherever she went though she was entirely oblivious to all the attention. While she prided on her child’s grace, it was also a constant cause of worry, the Madera men were just waiting for her Kanchi to turn into a woman, ready to bid for her like a priced goat. Kalyani prayed every single day for a way out for her child.

“Mother, is there soup for me,” she asked as she came and sat next to her mother.

“No,” said Kalyani as she winked at her child

It was code for that she had kept some aside for Kanchi in the store room, and she could drink it when her brother was not around.

Kanchi waited for her brother to go outside and then rushed to the store room to get her share. She brought out the bowl, sat next to her mother and shared the little bit that remained with her mother. “Mother, you must have too otherwise I am not drinking it either.”

Kalyani’s eyes welled up as she drank the soup with her child. My daughter is too good for this village, for this life, I have to save her, somehow, she thought.

Kesu, who was secretly watching his sister and mother drink the soup, was seething at their audacity to steal what he considered was his share, and came rushing in and kicked the bowl away. “Wait till I tell father,” he growled as he marched off.

Kalyani burst into tears, it wasn’t the hunger or the fear of being caned that pained her, but her sheer helplessness in all of it.